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The Assassination of a Soul

I was in my early twenties and the two things I remember most, other than the actual event, was the uncontrollable shivering and the pack of cigarettes my brother and I nervously chain-smoked trying to calm down.

We were in Albania, We had only arrived that morning at 5:30, and we had only arrived at that location because a bus had abandoned us in the middle of what looked to be endless farmland. We were lost as far as location, but that mattered little to us. We were on a mission for experiences and cared little where it took us as long as it was an adventure. We did what I assume all people do in our situation. We walked to a four-way-stop, my brother closed his eyes and proceeded to spin around with his arm pointed out, stopping only after he was too dizzy to continue. He was pointing east; I think. It was hard to know, as the sun wasn’t even up. …


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Why You Really Should Leave That Job

I quit my job… my job of fourteen years. My job everyone says is an amazing job.

I will always be thankful for HP. It was my introduction to technology, sales, engineering and enterprise business. It was the first place I wrote code, the first place I had a million dollar quota and the first place I ran opperations for a $200M section of business. It was the first place to give me a budget to create a solution and the first place that paid me to travel around the world to solve problems. …


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There is a difference between drinking your own Kool-aid and building something meaningful.

Work the problem I tell myself… work the problem… just-work-the-problem. This is the type of thing I hope people tell themselves when they are stuck and this is definitely what you should tell yourself if you’re an entrepreneur. The problem could be one of a hundred things… hell, the problem may just be that you have 100 problems. The truth is it isn’t about the problems. It’s about forward momentum. Did we solve all our problems today? Hell no. Did we move forward… I hope so.

Starting a company is a crazy thing. The very hubris it takes to set out on your own and believe you can create something from nothing should equally disqualify and qualify you as an entrepreneur. Some would say it isn’t hubris. “No, it’s a dream.” They say. “These people are just chasing their dreams”… and to that I would…


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Howling, he is howling loud, sitting on piss-stained-steps with a tied off arm, a needle and syringe protruding, he is howling on Market Street. It is one of the busiest city streets in the US. It’s around 5PM in the evening and the street is crowded. My six-year-old daughter asks me why he is howling as we walk by. I tell her sometimes people get lost and they howl like wolves to try and find their way, he is searching for something. I hope he finds his way. She howls for second and hopes he does too.

I’m in San Francisco, one of the most unique cities in the World. It’s a city that stares human potential in the eye and dares it to go further, and in San Francisco it does, both up and down. This city is the walking tour of human potential and the human condition. All that is needed to dive into the depths is a pair of Air-pods, a soundtrack to match the journey, some comfortable shoes and eyes open wide enough to walk the city and truly take in the messiness, courage, creativity, and indifference it requires to create this monolithic outburst of raw humanity. …


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Grief Shaming: Because there is no sport in compassion

Grief and tragedy were never meant to be digested like professional sports. We don’t have tragedy brackets on ESPN where Unarmed Black Man Shot was beat out by Murdered Cop. We don’t have sports commentators debating the underdog value of advancing Military Hero Dies In Combat to the Final Four Bracket because of its dark horse value and grassroots support. We don’t do these things because it would be sick. Right?

We live in a world forever remaining a mixed cocktail of joy and sadness, beauty and tragedy. At the point of consumption this cocktail seems to always result in madness; a madness only life could bring on. I think one thing we forget is we are all script-less vagabonds, amateur actors, wandering the grand theater of life. We are all in a fight. We all want IT to make sense and we sometimes forget the fight is not with each other. Rather than accepting the madness, in the case of compassion, we try to stack rank causes. …


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Imagine a world so loud all that can be heard amounts to silence
The silence so silent it’s almost violent
Why do we think violence requires war and blood to be measured
Why do millions have to die before a soul and life is treasured
In this world nobody really says hello
All we know is we must go go go

We are told to chase a dream of living in a nice neighborhood
Full of good neighbors, we could know, if only we would
You ask how can silence with no war and blood be violence
How can all this work and striving be compared to…


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Between Black and White You Will Find Humanity

Polarized lenses help us see clearer in the presence of bright light. Polarization on the other hand, convinces us of extremes far from the light of any truth. The truth is very little is black and white… we MUST learn to be ok with this… we must learn that grey requires empathy, maybe even discomfort… we must get better or we will create a divide we can’t recover from.

Think about it:

How can someone have an old soul but a young heart?

Why do so many travel far from home to try and find it?

How is it that one can see more than they could imagine and realize they’ve seen most of it before? …


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For all the looking we are doing, I hope we practice a bit of seeing

Before anybody sends me hate mail, I don’t want to sell you an underground bomb shelter or cure-all cream that offers hollow sounding science. I’m not going to volunteer the elderly as collateral damage to protect the economy or launch a cyber warfare attack to take advantage of the chaos (other people are already doing all of that). I don’t even have hot stock tips. I’m talking about something so much bigger.

THE MESS

The US recognizes 196 countries in the world. There are in fact (recognized or not) 251 countries and territories in the world. 196 of them have recorded cases of COVID-19 (As of March 24th). Many of the remaining countries and territories not reporting cases simply lack the ability to do so. …


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This is a really weird job posting

I believe behind the curtain of almost every great company is a bunch of people (usually with Excel spreadsheets) running around holding that company’s world together. They are a company's saving grace and life force. Like gravity, without them most companies would simply spin out of control and rip themselves apart… I call these people Professionals.

If you remember the original Jurassic Park, Jeff Goldblum’s character was always talking about Chaos Theory but the lasting point was “life will find a way”. I think this is how a lot of extraordinary companies operate. It’s not that they are an extraordinary company. It’s extraordinary people that make things happen despite the long odds. I think Jeff Goldblum was hitting on the fact that in nature there is an intentionality found, even in the midst of chaos. Good companies are infected with this same base instinct. …


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There is no such thing.

I consider myself a perpetual underdog. I have no college degree and came from humble means (read No Money). But the truth is I desperatly want that chip on my shoulder. I want the constant motivation; I want somebody to tell me I’m not good enough — that I’m going to fail. This doesn’t make me a narcissistic freak or a person obsessed with revenge and proving people wrong, in fact, when someone doesn’t believe in me I don’t fight like hell to prove them wrong anymore. I fight to prove it to myself that they are wrong.

My mom made a comment once about the battle to figure out what deserves your life and I have come to the conclusion there may be no more confounding and challenging question. Everything I have and love deserves my life but how can the great call of adventure not deserve it too. How can all the wants and needs and pressing problems in the world not deserve my life? These are the very problems an addict like myself was crafted perfectly to puzzle. How can I not be torn in two in an attempt to find the answer? …

About

Nathaniel Mueller

If anyone ever questions my purpose or intentions they are simple. I want to do interesting, compelling and meaningful things ALL the time.

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